Stained Glass

I'm far from being perfect, so a fallen angel I remain. You see this glass has stains that windex can't wipe away. So why play this game of back and forth to avoid the voids? So I say fuck it and begin to look at me for the first time and listen to the voice within. I was chained to deception with corrupted beginnings and believed love was only bedroom stories where I let monsters and goblins run through my forest and kill what was left of my ever green hope. Inhaling snow for numb affections and bathing in short lived companionship of liquor bottles that knew my name quite well.

Fragile was every heartbeat, pumping blood through my veins razor sharp with fear and remorse, I wanted death's blanket to cover me and strip me of an unwanted life that was already absent of unwanted life. Why did I let rejection own me? I was a witness of shattered reflections of what used to be the innocence of a steady drum beat that soon became filthy with poisoned finger prints on the window of my humanity. Damaged by the muck and grime of cruelty, I let hate and pain pull the strings of a puppet gone wild and I became the architect of my own damn destruction.

Remembering the very first time I cried, I watched ice sicles fall because this cold piece of crystal forgot how to embrace the warmth of the sun and lost his way in the darkness of an abyss that drowned all of his dreams and birthed his nightmares. So why do I even exist? A constant question I asked myself everytime a piece of me shattered when I tried to acknowledge a blurred image in the mirror. No reflection just broken memories like wine glasses fallen to the floor empty of the lips that once held them. Ignoring the power of forgiveness, I chased the quick fix of a psuedo reality, relied on the pulse of negativity and walked with hollow shadows that whispered suicide was my only means of survival.

Me, my own enemy. Tiring of the constant tug of war, I let go of my normalcy and I break down mentally and begin to embrace my chipped memories stained with the inflicted turmoil that was meant to do me in. My blurred image slowly being revealed, I smile now with a hope of understanding an inner peace I never knew. 

But still....Far from being perfect, so a fallen angel I remain. So why did I play this game of back and forth? I have cracks in my glass soul but I can't call maaco and all repairs fall on me. So I set a blaze to the glass graveyard where I buried myself to be long forgotten and from ashes will rise a diamond phoenix.